Thursday 5 January 2012

Advertising for the Performance

It is a week and a half away (eek) and the performance is starting to take shape!


In the process of arranging ideas into a full show lasting approx 45 mins! Exciting and scary all the same!

Wednesday 28 December 2011

53 Times

He called me 53 times
After just one date
How do I respond to that?
Should I leave it to late?

So that he never calls again
Or contacts me in any way
Or should I text him back to say
That thanks, but by the way

You called me 53 times
After just one date
I really could not answer
I was working very late

And after calling 53 times
Did you think I'd pick up the phone?
After 5 and 10 and 20 times
I really was not home

But you called me 53 times
Awaiting a response
If you wanted to so me that you liked me
You could have called the once!

Instead of calling 53 times
And why didn't you just text me?
Or email or leave a voicemail?
That would have been ok with me.

But you called me 53 times
and thats a bit excessive
We had a laugh, a nice few drinks
I had a good time but did you think

I'd want calling 53 times
To arrange a second meeting?
What would happen on our next rendevous?
Would I receive a similar greeting

To arrange our third date?
Now how would that one play out?

I really liked you in more ways than one
But as a consequence
Of the 53 missed phone calls
I have to admit
That I don't think that this would work out
And you have put me off a bit

So he called me 53 times
And he never called again.

Thursday 22 December 2011

This Wasn't Supposed To Be A Dating Story ...

I haven't writen on here in nearly a month! Not through being lazy, actually totally the opposite reason ... Being far too damn busy in all aspects of life!

Over the last month, my research has started to be transformed into dialogue, performance, thoughts and ideas about dating; the act of dating, the consequences of dating. Advice from gurus, advertisements in lonely heart columns and of course, my little research into dating profiles on Zoosk. Together with the stories kindly sent to me from friends, I have more than enough material to devise a performance with.

Although my intentions have changed. I don't know why. I was going to base the theme on Disney brainwashing myself and others into a false sense of hope when it comes to dating. I had a plan. I had a score. And now I've changed my mind somehow and I've written a dating story. It wasn't supposed to be a dating story... it was supposed to be a story about dating, an expose' into the world of dating.

Disney is now out the window and other 'stuff' is in.

I will write again with more details soon.

Sunday 27 November 2011

And Here's One From the Boys!

This was sent to me by a male friend of a friend. Although I was predominantly looking at female dating stories, I was quite interested in the story as it was instigated with joining a dating site and its actually quite amusing!


'I joined a dating site after my best friend, and partner in crime, had just left to go to Australia for a year. I decided it would be a fun way to meet new people, especially seeing as I’d just moved out of home for the first time!

After a few month on a free dating site (where most of the people were con artists posing as attractive women) my interest had begun to fade and I was thinking of leaving it. However, browsing away I happened to notice a familiar face, a girl who I had met (albeit briefly) at uni! “At least I know she’s real” I thought, so I decided to get in touch and before long we had organised a date. Never having done a (kind of) blind date before I was probably a bit more nervous than normal, which is my explanation/excuse for what happened next…

Things were actually going pretty well and we’d been chatting for half an hour or so when somehow we got onto the subject of children. I was pleased to find out that she, like me, was not too keen on children (not that we were talking about having babies or anything, just children in general). I wrongly thought that our mutual dislike gave me the licence to tell her that: “I think all children should be taken away from the mothers at birth, given a serial number and put in jail. This would not only free up society for adults but would also ensure that no chavs got into society, as all the children who turned out to be chavs could be killed in jail. The ones who make it through the system would then come out as well-formed members of society and be reunited with their mothers”…. I would like to point out that these are NOT my actual views. In my own weird way (probably spurred on by nervousness) I thought I was being funny. She did not see it this way!

After about half an hour more, going into the finer details of my ‘children in jail plan’ and continuing to be unaware that she was not really enjoying the conversation, I went for a toilet break. Whilst in the toilet I felt my phone buzz with a message and naturally I decided to look who it was from… It was from her! I thought it was strange that she’d sent me a message whilst I was in the toilet but after reading the content (“OMG OMG! He is a FUCKING Psycho”) I knew that the message was not for me… IT WAS ABOUT ME and was intended for her friend. She has sent it to me by accident!

Not having previous experience of a situation like this (honest!) I didn’t really know what to do… After a minute or two considering my options, and not even knowing if she’d still be there, I decided to play it cool and act as if everything was normal. So I put my phone back in my pocket, walked out of the toilets and went to sit back down (thankfully she was still there)! She was pretty quiet for a few minutes before eventually asking me if I had my phone. I simply replied “Yeah why?” and then got my phone out of my pocket exclaiming “Oh you sent me a message!”, I then pretended to read it. I thought that this might break the ice but she is not one to hold her tongue told me that I’d been “fucking weird” and that I had to prove to her that I could have a “normal conversation” or she was going to leave. After about 15 minutes of thinking about what a normal conversation was I started to talk to her about music and we actually got on really well for the rest of the night.

That was two years ago but I’m happy to say that from that most unlikely of starts we somehow got together and are still together today… though some of her friends still refer to me as “psycho”!'

Sunday 13 November 2011

The Basics

Virgo, 5''4/ 163cm. White/ Caucasian. Average Build. Never Married. No Children. College Graduate. Atheist. Doesn't Smoke. Drinks Socially.

Capricorn. 6"0/ 183cm. White/ Caucasian, Athletic. Never Married. No Children. College Graduate. Atheist. Christian. Doesn't Smoke. Drinks Socially.

Virgo. 6"1/ 185cm. White/ Caucasian. Curvy. Never Married. No Children. College Graduate. Atheist. Smokes Socially. Drinks Socially.

Gemini. 6"0/ 183cm. White/ Caucasian. Athletic. Never Married. No Children. Advanced Degree. Doesn't Smoke. Doesn't Drink.

Aries. 5"9/ 175cm. White/ Caucasian. Never Married. Has Children. Jedi. Drinks Regularly. Smokes Regularly.

Taurus. 5"8/ 173cm. White/ Caucasian. Average Build. Divorced. No Children. Smokes Regularly. Drinks Regularly.

Cancer. 5"9/ 175cm. White/ Caucasian. Athletic. Never Married. No Children. Attended College. Catholic. Doesn't Smoke. Drinks Socially.

Virgo. 5"10/ 178cm. White/ Caucasian. Average Build. No Children. College Graduate. Agnostic. Doesn't Smoke. Drinks Socially.

Gemini. 5"8/ 173cm. White/ Caucasian. Average Build. Never Married. No Children. Attended College. Christian. Drinks Regularly. Smokes Regularly.

Wednesday 9 November 2011

Match Me!

Just browsing through unopened email and found lots of corrospondence from Zoosk online dating. This is how I'm being advertised - it made me chuckle at how much information is being given to 'market' my single-ness. Here are my vitals:

Ashley. Virgo. 5"4'/ 163cm . Men . Never Married. No Children . White/ Caucasian. Athesist . Dosen't Smoke. Drinks Socially. Average Build


Don't I sound attractive?

Friday 28 October 2011

Dating - Another Story

This is part of an email that I received from another friend. I have been waiting to here how a date with a neighbour had gone for months (even before I started this investigation!). She replied yesterday ...


  • I have just realised that I hadn't responded-hope it's not too late.
    1st official date was when I was at uni and it took the guy a year to ask me out...(phone shop guy...u know ash) went to watch his band play and convinced him to come out to Gallery after...he did. There was a girl following us around all night whom I wanted to punch...who was she? An ex....anyways eventually ended up going on a date to keystones a few days later (classy i know...) went badly when the convo turned to the weather, I got a peck on the lips and he left...from then it was at his beck and call when I heard from him....turned out he had a kid with the ex from a nightclub but didn't want to tell me...needless to say we spoke no longer.

    My other experience of dating (because there has been only two real occasions of proper dates) was much better. It took the guy two weeks to ask me out ( I can only presume I am somewhat intimidating and unapproachable?!) and eventually did when a drunk neighbour asked me for him coz he was fed up of him waiting to ask me ...and so was I.(they are best friends and my neighbour and his wife had been trying to set us up for months which neither of us realised)

    He took me out to a nice restaurant. He paid for taxis there and back, a full three course meal and lots of drinks. To be honest it couldn't have gone better or smoother and I really enjoyed it. He was a gentleman and wouldn't allow me to pay! Pretty much (and I can gloat...a perfect date).

    From there we had a night in at his with a takeaway and drinks...again I paid for nothing and even though he only lives around the corner and 2 mins away...he insisted on walking me 
    home.

    We went out on other dates as well..to the Trafford Centre (god I know how to live lol!) He drove there...he has the better car...and again tried to pay for everything although finally after nearly a week he allowed me to pay for the food...after all a girls got to offer on occasions!
    It was all going well and we saw each other for 'dates' every other night for two weeks.(Again hardly paid and they were great).

    He was then asked by work to go to Canada for a works trial...he has been there since...this is now over 9 weeks ago and since nothing was ever official it sucks!

    Dating is game playing and to be honest I can't stand it! lol... will he text? do i text? how long do you wait?...blah blah!!
    You should just know where you stand and get on with it....I am dangling on a piece of string till he returns coz I don't really know if he's still interested or wants to see me when he returns!
    Ash, you may have realised I am typing this after a few drinks....hence the complete honesty and slight anger in the tone lol! My opinion and experiences of dating are slightly tinged at the mo...if he returns and we carry on then I'm sure i'll think it's great...till then who knows!! Hope this helps...sort of?! xx