Some Wise Words from my Friend Katie.

I have a friend called Katie (AKA Kettle) who is one of the most hilarious people I know. The girl has kindly volunteered her thoughts for my investigation about the first date (in her experiences).

Dating the awkward truth 

My younger self’s dream - marriage and kids, lots of kids, by my mid-twenties. Big familie, big arguments the big whole works. My Reality? On a management ladder in a career that is not house wife domesticity! I long for the Regency period debutant balls where social rules are clearly outlined. With a string of could have beens and should have beens with a series of (in the whole) fairly decent chaps (with the odd exception). 

The life motto 'I want what I don’t have, I don’t want what I can have so if what I couldn’t have' became 'what I could have I wouldn’t want it any way'!

And how does all this fit in the world of dating… Time is NO great healer where we all stand on first date depends on how reckless you have been with your heart in the past. My standing is on a ground of learned inadequacies and nerves and so like many situations in life a series of military coping strategies have developed to deal with dating.

I will always be on the phone on approach to the meeting place, or if worse and I am waiting for them. A friend of mine who was on the receiving end of one of these “date approach phone calls” once questioned this methodology. The answer is simple. If you are sat there waiting you don’t want to look like you’re on your own, you can also easily escape if you are stood up. 

The usual recipient of this phone call is my mum (friends can be unhelpful as you will read later). Who by knows the routine; as I approach the target I will pretend that I am on the phone to another boy, and I’m clearly in the middle of a hysterically funny conversation of which the date should be very jealous and nervous... right?? So know I’ve evened the nerves playing field and also successfully managed to avoid the first greeting, while they wait for me to finish on the phone, there can be no hug, or kiss or whatever it is that you’re supposed to do when you first meet the date can commence. And as ludicrous as this routine sounds I consider it an achievement to have made it this far. I would have normally talked myself out of a date long before this stage with lame ass excuses of work commitments and unexpected netball training (I’ve even once used “not tonight Britains Biggest Loser is on”). 


So while at your mouth agreed to go to dinner with enthusiasm your brain is going F*****CK. What the hell am I going to eat, I’m not one of those salad girls but burgers and pizza are off. Nobody wants to have the cut vs. dig straight in with your hands debate. 

Disney lets blame Disney. Disney never tells you how to behave on your first date. You patiently wait for the moment when they ask you a question just as you shovel slightly too much food in your mouth and your cover is blown you are actually a man masquerading as a gentle female… the sort they would take home to meet mum. And now you thinking about their family and whether you will meet them and then you start to panic wondering if they can tell what you’re thinking. The whole time you’re sitting there reminiscing how comfortable it was with your ex. And bang now you’ve done it, you’re thinking about your ex, and not the money grabbing, lying waste of space bits but the bits that make the person in front of you not them.

So you eat, drink and more often than not you laugh and then the awkward truth… you’re exhausted (and a little disappointed the ex hasn’t seen you having such fun)… and no matter who is in front of you, you have already vowed to never fall in love again, so home you head for a duvet spoon pretending to be indifferent to whether they text or not. Better to be disappointed now than shattered later.